VWW- Dating (and why I want more than a dick pic)

 

Date: noun a social appointment or engagement arranged beforehand with another person, especially when a romantic relationship exists or may develop

Dating: verb-A form of romantic courtship typically between two individuals with the aim of assessing the other’s suitability as a partner in an intimate relationship or as a spouse. The result of dating may at any time lead to friendship, any level of intimate relationshipmarriage, or no relation.

The Urban Dictionary has a more realistic definition of the nuances that are modern dating.

 

 

I fucking hate dating. I hated it before there was technology and I hate it even more now. Lets put aside the fact that swipe culture and the anonymity of the internet has created short attention spans and an increased level of shallowness. That rant is for another time. I want more than a cock.

That seems that all a modern man is willing to invest is his cock. Sometimes it is blatant in sending of unsolicited dick picks (Please, just stop!) Or they say they only want casual and that means that you have no value as a person but they don’t want to actually pay for a whore. They will try to avoid dates because your pussy isn’t even worth the cost of a cup of coffee. Instead they offer some version of Netflix and chill. WTF is that? Hell, I’d be happy if a man offered to permit me to see where he lives. Often they only want to come to my place. I guess it’s easier to leave. The old-fashioned ones will lie. They will pretend to be the things you want, will act like they have a genuine interest right up until you sleep with them. Then it’s all “I don’t want commitment” and “I thought we were just having a good time.” Ugh! We were until you decided I had no value and it was OK to treat me like I had no value.

 

What every woman thinks when opening a text and seeing a dick pic

I feel like this is the narrative inside the average mans mind; “What is the minimum effort that I can put forth to get her to fuck me. If I like fucking her what is the minimum effort I can continue to exert to get her to keep fucking me, but only when it’s convenient for me and never for her. Because she isn’t real and doesn’t matter. All that matters is that I get my dick wet and get to live out some of the porn fantasies the internet has shown me.”No one is allowed to have feelings anymore. Emotions might as well be herpes. Actually, I think saying I had herpes would be received better than if I said I enjoyed spending time with a man.

Examples from my recent experience (names changed because I have integrity, not because they deserve it). Carlos has been texting and fucking me since the spring and I just realized that he may not remember my name. Jack is married and claims to be in an open relationship. He only wants sex and only on Tuesdays. So, what do I get out of that? Dennis and I had great conversation and amazing chemistry. But I realized that he never asked me any questions, nor did he compliment me on anything that wasn’t sexual. He wants to fuck me, but I don’t think he likes me or finds me attractive. Then there is the growing trend of men that claim to be “ploy”  and the assholes that think this is licence to act like fuck boys,

Is it too much to ask for a man who knows his masculinity lies in his strength of character and not in his pants?

I want to find someone I have a connection with. I’m not talking marriage. I don’t really have an end game in mind. It would be nice to have some companionship to enhance the physical relationship. Someone who will hold my hand, put their arm around me, and watch a movie to the end before trying to get my clothes off. Really, I am setting the bar pretty low here.

VWW- Compliments

Part of the backlash of the Brock Turner rape case was responses from men declaring they won’t commit rape. Thanks guys, but that is about as useful as me saying I won’t levitate since I had no intentions to do so in the first place. Then there are the blogs and comments about the good men attempting to enlighten the not good men about the realities on everyday sexism. I applaud your efforts, but that is a brick wall you are talking to. Besides, you are going about it all wrong.

One of the commonly used arguments for harassing women is that the perpetrator is only trying to give a woman a compliment. I have seen many content pieces where these good men are stating that they don’t want to compliment anyone anymore because women have so many men approach them and behave rudely. That banner is being taken up by the not good men as a claim of victimization. “Oh, now we can’t even compliment a woman anymore?” Read that with the correct tone of whining, disbelief, and hyperbole. You know the one.

I would like to point out that the issue isn’t that women don’t like getting compliments, but rather how too many people have forgotten what a compliment is. So we are all on the same page, Webster’s definition of the word Compliment is as follows:

  • an expression of esteem, respect, affection, or admiration; especially :  an admiring remark
  • formal and respectful recognition :  honor

Looking at that we can derive that the not good men that catcall and harass women under the guise of compliment have the admiration part down. Usually for a body part that is sexualized. They have seemed to ignore the part about esteem, respect, and honor. If you wouldn’t walk into a family gathering and tell grandma she has “a nice ass, no wonder grandpa wanted to tap that shit. But bitch, you should smile more,” then you probably don’t want to say that to a stranger. Note the part of the definition that states a compliment is formal and respectful. It’s important.

Want to know how to give a good complement? Watch how women compliment each other. Example:

Hey, that is a great top. I just love the color.

Oh, thank you. It’s new.

It’s very flattering. And it looks really comfortable.

Yes, it is. The material isn’t clingy at all.

Well, it looks great!

Thank you.

Have a nice day

You do the same.

Take a moment to compare that to the following:

Hi baby, how you doing today?

I’m fine

You need to smile more honey, you look so much nicer when you smile.

Silence

Don’t you want to give me a smile?

Silence and looking away

Bitch, don’t let it go to your head. You’re not that hot. You should be grateful I gave you a compliment.

Can we see the difference here? OK, I know you are thinking that is fairly extreme. You would be incorrect, but let’s examine the two scenarios.

The first one focused on an object, the wearer’s top. There was an expression that identified an admiration for it and why, the color. It was met favorably so then the conversation continued to point out other positive attributes of the item. Notice they were still talking about the top. The top looked flattering, not that it flattered any specific part of the wearer’s anatomy. Then the compliment was stated again and they wished each other well and went about their individual business.

Notice that there was no implied quid pro quo in that dialog. It was positive comment given with the intent of making the other party feel nice. The giver got nothing in return. It was polite, respectful, and there were no strings attached.

Now the second example started off with diminutive pet names that should only be used by people who have a certain level of familiarity. Right off the bat that will put someone on the defensive. Then there was a command issues. You need to smile more. This was then met with refusal to acknowledge. The command was then changed to a pleading request and a second rejection. This was then met with hostility. The entire exchange was a type of gas lighting designed to get something for the person giving the compliment as opposed to showing respect or admiration for the person receiving the compliment.

Still confused? OK, there are many subtle clues you can look for to see if your compliment is being well received or crossing over into harassment territory. Did the person answer you with a pleasant and friendly tone? If so then you can proceed. If not, perhaps your opening should be more general and to the point. For example, I like your sunglasses. Are they not responding and/or looking away? Do they have a strange expression on their face? Are they turning their body away from you or trying to create space? Are their eyes moving quickly around the room as if they are attempting to determine the fastest exit plan? Answering No to all of these means you are doing it correctly. Answering yes means you fucked up.

And should you respond with venom when you have crossed over into the creepy guy zone? No. You should acknowledge that you have made them uncomfortable. An example “Oh, I didn’t mean to offend you, my apologies.” That’s it. That’s the end. Don’t try to justify or clarify. You’re sorry and you will now demonstrate that respect by silently moving on with your life and no longer bothering the other person.

 

 

VWW- Interpellate

Interpellate: 

to question (someone, such as a foreign minister) formally concerning an official action or policy or personal conduct

 

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This is one of the things that is sorely lacking in America today. No one questions the governing bodies. Oh sure, among ourselves we do, while gathered round tables in restaurants and coffee shops, maybe at the dinner table if anyone is home from one of their many jobs to actually utilize the table. And of course there are the pundits who speak askance of our fearless leaders. But who follows through with that?

Gone are the days of hard questions asked in repetition, phrased in infinitely different ways, unwavering until answers are given. Reporters will ask once and then move on to the next big, shiny thing ensuring that our short Pavlovian memories promptly forget the point as we are misdirected to look at the scandalous thing a celebrity has done. Much like in the Land of Oz, you can’t look behind the curtain.

Too often have things been stripped away from so many of the citizens, too long have we gone without, repressed, that when we stop to look around we have no idea where our rights have gone. I blinked and our work force is back to robber baron, company store mentality working conditions. Unions displaced by temporary workers and consultants. Medical benefits stripped down to the basics, prices out of reach, vacations a distant memory. Work life balance and leisure time are concepts of a generation long gone. Collective bargaining and thoughts of unions have become heresy and the utterance of even the words with the wrong intonation is the fastest route to a trouble maker label and a quick trip out the door, blacklisted. Homes lost to the greed of the few. Dreams crushed under the false accusation that you didn’t want it bad enough, because you are lazy. Food companies merging to form conglomerates of factory farms and chemistry experiments that slowly poison the population. Individuals are being shamed for believing the falsehood that the multitudes of chemically and genetically altered corn products are nutritious.

Nothing new in any of those statements. We have heard them all before. A little here, a little there. But who does anything? It used to be that the journalists would repeat a story, fanning the flames of unrest. But they are owned by the pigs selling you all the other lies. There is no journalism anymore. Just people reading copy and celebrating the latest bite of information that will distract us from reality. They purposefully misdirect our gaze from the truth and sell us fear and xenophobia.

 

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Changes in media control in the past 30 years

Besides, who reads newspapers? Who watches the news? Not much of a demand for that anymore. They have drugged us into complacency with reality TV and GMO carbs and we have become addicts clawing at our arms ripping our flesh demanding more of the poison that kills us.
Don’t like it? Step up and do something. It’s an election year people. Get out there and do some digging. All of us have the entire breadth of human knowledge available in the palm of our hands in the form of smart phones and tablets. Use them to educate yourself. Look to independent sources, for we can no longer trust the media to provide us with information. But above all, vote.

VWW-Unclubbable

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Unclubbable

having or showing a disinclination for social activity : unsociable

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And this pretty much sums me up. It is spotlighted during the holiday season with all the parties and mad rush to celebrate. I have no interest in any of it.

Yes, Christmas is great. So is Chanukah, and Yule, and Festivus, and probably Kwanza (I’m woefully ignorant about Kwanza). But it’s getting cold and it’s dark at three in the afternoon. My circadian rhythms are flooding my body with signals to hibernate, not celebrate. I want to crawl under a warm, fuzzy blanket and whisper words of devotion to my pillow.

Lets not even start with the New Years parties. I get it. Out with the old, in with the new. But why? I mean, it’s just some arbitrary date on a calendar. It’s not really a good starting point. I mean, it’s not really mid winter since winter only started on the solstice a few weeks ago. That marked the shortest day of the year. There would be a good place to start over. When the days begin to get longer and the sun returns. I could have a party for the return of the light.

But I probably still wouldn’t go. I hate small talk. I really don’t like socializing. I loathe having to repress my thoughts, opinions, and expression in favor of a socially acceptable mask. Standing in a room full of people I hardly know, holding something I most likely won’t consume, and attempting to be mildly pleasant so no one is offended is exhausting, not entertaining. On the flip side, drunken revelry isn’t appealing either. Who wants to drag themselves out of the house only to be surrounded by strangers with no impulse control? That doesn’t seem fun anymore.

So I am unclubbable.  And I think I am alright with that. You go have fun for me.

VWW- Velleity

Velleity

the lowest degree of volition

a slight wish or tendency: inclination

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With the New Year celebrations almost upon us we must also prepare for the onslaught of resolutions. In a combined state of nostalgia, optimism, and drunkenness citizens of the world will decree their desire to change in the next twelve months.

It’s all bullshit. We all know it. Most people don’t desire something different enough to put in the effort. No, resolutions are simply things we wish would change magically, on their own, without the sweat.

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It’s not laziness. It’s not falsehood. It’s simply that change is scary. Change is difficult. When you change there are unknown ripples in the pond, and what if you don’t like those. On some level everyone realizes that there is no going back. You can only move forward. Or stay put. And that’s the option most people take by February.

But at that precise moment in time, on New Years, millions of people will look at their lives. Millions of people will think it isn’t what they want. Millions of people will wish and hope for something more.  For just a brief moment the population starts to wake up and acknowledge it is raw truth. But then….

 

 

VWW-Cavil

Cavil

to raise trivial or frivolous objections

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Hmm…kind of like the apoplectic rage over not specifying which particular holiday I hope you enjoy this season. As if I am supposed to just know what holidays you celebrate just by looking at you. I mean, if Trump has his way we will all be wearing identifying symbols. Hell, I wouldn’t put it past him to brand people. But I digress.

Point is, I don’t know your faith of choice or if you have chosen not to have one.  Personally, I don’t want to just assume that Christian is the default setting for humanity. And I don’t understand why wishing someone a joyful holy day of a different faith is so horrific. I mean, I don’t celebrate Kwanza. I don’t even have a firm understanding of what Kwanza is (something about a harvest, but before climate change what were they harvesting in the snow?) However, if someone wishes me a Happy Kwanza I say “Thanks, you too!” Because it will be Kwanza whether I celebrate or not and I would rather be happy than not.

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So in order to be inclusive (what would Jesus say!!!) we have Happy Holidays. It pretty much covers everything that happens from late October to early January. Sounds better than have a happy whatever… But that isn’t good enough for some special snowflakes. Nope, they want me to be able to derive from- what?- that they are a member a of a certain religion, have knowledge of that religion’s holidays, and make the appropriate statement of well wishes.  And they say the millennials are entitled!

Listen, ain’t nobody got time for your shit! Get a grip, tuck away your privilege, and accept the well wishes in the spirit they were given. And Happy Holidays!

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VWW-Objet Trouvé

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objet trouvé:

a natural or discarded object found by chance and held to have aesthetic value

We need more of this in the world. In our consumer driven end of the year spending rituals, Holiday Shopping, we seem to have forgotten that some of the best presents are not the ones with the biggest price tag. Why is a piece of jewelry more valuable than a hand-made quilt? All the jewelry took was money. While the quilt took thought, planning, sweat, and time.

But what about discovering something, seeing its inherent beauty and sharing that with another person. Isn’t that a far more valuable gift?

Forget about gift giving for a moment and try to think about the last time you found something and upcycled it. Brought it new life. Gave it a second chance. One man’s trash is another man’s art.

Shouldn’t we all be trying to do a bit more of this?

Do any of us really need another brand new thing?

Have we lost the ability to envision the potential of anything that hasn’t been aggressively marketed to us?

Sigh…

If we stopped listening to the advertisements perhaps we would regain the ability to see how wonderful the stuff we encounter every day can be. If only we took the time to really look at it.

 

 

 

 

VWW-Buckybomb

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Buckybomb

a nanoscale explosive designed to destroy cancerous cells and viruses

Take a moment to let that sink in. An explosive that destroys cancerous cells. Now, that won’t stop your body from producing more cancerous cells. But think of the possibilities for people with cancer. Chemo destroys all cells, even the healthy ones. That’s why people on chemo are so frail. Radiation is targeted and controlled. But have you ever thought about how insane treatment is when we go “lets irradiate it and see if that helps.”

And the second part. Viruses. Now we can kill viruses without tusing antivirals that were meant to be drugs of last resort. Think of what it would mean for HIV alone!

Now, being a realist and using humanities history as a reference I am concerned about over use. I mean, we would all like to eliminate the common cold for selfish reasons. But what would that do to our immune systems in the long run? It really is one of those systems that functions better if it gets some practice. We are seeing that with our overuse of antibiotics and the increase of resistant bacteria.

For a moment lets forget that, or that insurance probably won’t cover it, or the drug companies will jack up the price. No, lets just take a moment and enjoy the marvel that is technology and science.

VWW- Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving

  1. the act of giving thanks; grateful acknowledgment of benefits or favors, especially to God.
  2. an expression of thanks
  3. a public celebration in acknowledgment of divine favor or kindness.

That is the Merriam Webster definition of Thanksgiving. However, in the USA we treat it less of a day of gratitude and more of an expression of all the things that are detestful about American culture. I know that seems harsh, but let’s break it down.

First there is the food. Not only is it a prim example of how much abundance we have but also the level of gluttony we are capable of performing. And it’s a point of pride. We gather around a table and try to one up each other about how many calories we can consume. In what other situation is it socially acceptable to brag about the number of servings we stuffed into our gullet? Or how many piece of pie we can eat?

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Then there is the sin of sloth. After consuming enough food to feed most families for a week we then waddle over to the sofa to participate in our favorite thing. Watching other people be athletic. Traditionally it’s football. However, if they keep expanding the season I predict we will soon have the option to watch baseball as well. No matter. So long as we can sit there and marinate in the tryptophan and shout at the television.

While we are watching that television, we can also prepare for the worst part of this holiday. Black Friday. Just a few short years ago there was an outcry because the stores were opening earlier and earlier. Some of them are now open on Thanksgiving. I find this heartbreaking. It was one of the last secular holidays where everything was closed with the small exception of gas stations. Thanksgiving was for everyone. Now it’s for everyone who doesn’t work in retail to shop.

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Who are we kidding? Soon we will be sitting in a line ordering pizza with an emoji on our smart phones.

And shop we do. To the point of violence. Every year someone gets seriously injured at a big box store on Black Friday. Not even 24 hours after we were pretending to be thankful our citizens head out en mass and do battle with each other over material goods. This under the guise that we will graciously give said items as gifts to commemorate the Christian savior. Someone who was purported to preach that we love our neighbor. Just not the one who also wanted to buy the Dr. Dre Beats headphones.

What happened?

Of course, we tell each other a fairy tale about Pilgrims and Native Americans, but I think we all know that the truth is far from the social studies lesson taught to us. So let’s not even go there unless we are gonna’ be honest about the horrible things our ancestors did. OK?

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It could have ended much differently. We should remember that.

Abraham Lincoln was the first to set a date (the last Thursday in November) in 1863 to “commend to his tender care all those who have become widows, orphans, mourners or sufferers in the lamentable civil strife” and to “heal the wounds of the nation” after the civil war. Prior to this each state had a different celebration. FDR changed it to the third Thursday in November in 1939 as an attempt to bolster holiday spending during the Great Depression. That wasn’t popular so it was changed back in 1941.

So how did it go from a day of gratitude to a day of gluttony, sloth, and violent consumerism? How did we become so vapid and narcissistic that we can’t take a day to look around and say, “I’m doing pretty good. I’m glad I have the things I have?”

Some of us are so removed that we don’t even know where to begin. So let me tell you my list. I am thankful for:

  • My house- for keeping me warm and safe
  • Air conditioning- during the summer there is nothing so decadent as not being sweaty
  • My Job- It was a long, hard road but I finally found where I fit
  • My debts- yes, really! Because it means I have (or had) credit and a resource of funds not available to so many, even if I misused that privilege.
  • Being fat- In our culture it’s frowned upon, but I have access to an abundance of food while others go hungry
  • My car- it gives me freedom and mobility that is denied many even in our own country.
  • My savings account- I have money in the bank and it makes me wealthier than many people in the world
  • The First Amendment- I’d be in jail or dead with out it because, wow, can I run my mouth
  • My friends- I always know that there is someplace I’m not weird or that I am, and it’s embraced
  • My pets- they keep me company and I am affluent enough to afford to care for them
  • My health- fat I may be, but I am healthy. I’ve been seriously sick, I’ve seen disease. I’m so grateful I am healthy
  • Clothes-I have too many and there are too many people who don’t have enough

It’s not an extensive list, but it’s a start. I have a house, electricity, plumbing, a job, a car, and some money in the bank. While I still struggle, as many do, in our economy and there are many things that need to be fixed, I try to remember that on a global scale, I am wealthy. Then there are the intangible things that make me rich. The people in my life, the experiences we share. There is no way to wrap that up in ribbons and bows. It can’t be bought at any price. maybe we can put the fork down, step away from the TV, and look at each other and just be happy we aren’t alone, cold, hungry, and sick.

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