VWW-Sinecure

Sinecure:

an office or position that requires little or no work and that usually provides an income.

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Can I get an Amen! There is a word out there that describes these wastes of space! We all know them. At some point, we have all worked alongside them, because they were not doing any work! Now if we could just find a way to remove the dead weight wouldn’t our precious time spent at the office be a bit more productive?

The thing that always miffed me the most was that this individual always seemed to be a higher ranking member of management. You know, the one that saunters in at 10:30 after playing a round of golf. Oh sure, he claims it was with a client and he will expense it to the company, but it was really with his buddies and it was just because he can. This jerk will then lock himself in his office claiming he is behind in his work and needs to concentrate. We all know he is on YouTube. Everyone either grumbles about him or just accepts that there is nothing that can be done.

I think I might be more understanding if it was a low-level employee. Like if the minimum wage janitor slacked off I could cut him some slack. I mean, that’s a thankless job. Emptying trash cans and cleaning up the break room after everyone else’s mess. Yeah, that guy deserves a few moments of goofing off as a means of stress relief.

When I became a high level corporate manager I mistakenly believed I could have some flex time. Wow, was I wrong! No morning meetings or lunch’s with clients. I had to log my every move. I couldn’t deliver first aid kits to a satellite office without alerting Big Brother. And heaven forbid I was five minutes late returning from lunch! The lectures I received on stealing time and being an example to those beneath me… Ugh!

Some of us will never be able to be the slacker.

 

VWW-Fuck

Fuck:

usually obscene: copulate

usually vulgar: mess- used with “with”

 

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This is one of my favorite words. It conveys so much information depending on tone and inflection. You can be happy as fuck, mad as fuck, or so fucking depressed. You can tell people to get fucked, fuck themselves, or just fuck off. I won’t expand more on that since every comedian since George Carlin has already done so.

But why is this word so offensive? And what makes one word more than another vulgar? Who decides? It’s certainly not by democratic vote. Wikipedia had some insight but still left many questions. All I learned is that profanity is always changing with the lexicon. Perhaps, in time, some word will replace fuck as the top of the expletive food chain. In the mean time, fuck reigns supreme.

So get out there and fucking tell everyone how fuck is a legitimate word. It’s in the Merriam-Webster Dictionary. And if it’s a legitimate word then there must be a proper use for said word. Fuckin’ A!

VWW-Lalochezia

Lalochezia:

the emotional relief gained from using abusive or profane language.

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Ah, profanity! What joy it does bring to my life. And release. Yes, there is something about letting out a strong of curses that is incredibly cathartic.

Stubbing your toe isn’t as bad when you can exclaim “Shit, Damn it!” As opposed to a restrained “Oww!” Though personally, I have found that the profanity doesn’t increase with the severity of the injury. At a certain point you plateau and swearing no longer provides an effective outlet. Breaking an ankle, lots of swearing. Smashing head with resulting arterial bleed, no point. I think it has to do with the adrenaline released into your bloodstream.

Now for everyday stress there is nothing like profanity to provide you with a little reprieve from the mass of humanity surrounding you. Someone cuts you off? Call them a selfish motherfucker. Bob waits until the last minute to inform you he dropped the ball on the big project? Go in your office and call him a cock juggling douche canoe. The company declares there won’t be any raises or bonuses this year? God damn mother fucking son of a disease riddled whore!

Does it fix anything? No, of course not. But it does allow you a reasonable way to release your anger. Then you can take a deep breath and get on with life. So go on everyone, let it out. Get creative. It’s gonna’ make you feel just a little bit better.

 

VWW- Drapetomania

 

 

Drapetomania:

an overwhelming urge to run away
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The strange thing about adulthood is that I have had the urge to flee more once than I ever had when I was younger. At least once a week I fantasize about bailing on my bills, my house, and my career packing some clothes and the pets in the car and living like a nomad. As time passes I am slowly coming to realize that I don’t own anything. All the things own me. And I just need to break free from the suffocatingly stiffiling cage I have locked myself in. I can’t be alone in that.

VWW-Alharaca

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Alharaca:

an extraordinary or violent emotional reaction to a small issue

 

This is taken from Spanish and I think we need to incorporate it into the vernacular. Because who hasn’t done this? Be honest!

At some point, more often than we would like to admit even to ourselves, we have all lost it over something silly and inconsequential. Oh sure, we know there are mitigating circumstances that lead up to a total meltdown of an adult over an out of order air pump but the other people don’t see any of that.

No one sees that you got up a half hour early only to be treated with a vomiting cat, a broken coffee maker, a dryer full of wet clothes you forgot to turn on, a misplaced report you need at 8 AM, and a lost shoe all before getting in the car to discover the tire pressure monitor is lit up. No one saw that you drove to three gas stations before this one and none of the air compressors were working. No one saw that you were now running late despite planning ahead.

What everyone saw was a middle aged woman dressed in business clothes kicking the air pump, shouting profanity, and acting like she was off her meds. They get a great story and you get to be a combination of frustrated, defeated, and embarrassed. You’re lying if you say you haven’t done it.

So let’s take this word. Let’s use it and make it we’ll known to all. That way when everyone is staring at your socially inappropriate reaction to something small and seemingly minor you can just say Sorry I went alharaca, bad day.” And everyone will understand. Continue reading

VWW- Prevaricate

Prevaricate:

To deviate from the truth: equivocate

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“Not that I am aware of” and ” I was out of pocket” are my two favorite examples of this in the work place.

Let’s look at the first one. “Not that I am aware of” You probably are aware of it and are just pretending so you can’t be accountable for turning a blind eye as the walls fell down on the project everyone else invested so much time working on. It implies that you were not kept in the loop and that others were trying to hide information from you. The reality is that your team probably couldn’t find you while you were out playing golf or locked in your office watching YouTube videos. And isn’t it part of your job as an executive to be informed? If you don’t know what is happening in your office then exactly what is the point of you?

“I was out-of-pocket” Really? Did you transport to the North rim of the Grand Canyon for the day? Because the company issued you a smart phone that they pay for. This is so you will be available and have access at all times. Hell, there is even WiFi on the plane now! How is that a viable excuse?

VWW- Haptic

Haptic:

  1. relating to or based on the sense of touch
  2. characterized by a predilection for the sense of touch

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I live alone. I’ve lived alone since my divorce eight years ago. Independence is something I value immensely and most of the time I would be hard pressed to compromise. Nothing is ever perfect though and one thing is missing. That is touch.

Harlow’s experiments with contact comfort were done in the 1950’s and have been replicated multiple times over the years. That said, it’s generally understood that lack of contact can result in adverse behaviors both socially and sexually. The experiment showed that contact and comfort will be chosen even over food. This is a gross simplification of the study, but suspend your disbelief for a few moments and indulge me.

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Photo of Harlow’s monkey’s

Because the majority of my friends and family live on the other side of the state I can go a very long time without any physical contact with another human being. I feel this contributes to my ability to manage stress and anxiety. It also has an impact in my decision making process.

I’ve always been a sex positive thinker. Live and let live was my motto. That said, casual sex was never my thing. Flash forward a few years post divorce and now there is a different attitude altogether.

Not because I had some mental revelation. Not because I’ve grown into my sexuality. Not because I’ve thrown off conventional models of appropriate social behavior. That was not a part of my journey. No, I engaged in casual sex because it supplied my need for human touch.

Prior to my divorce there was touching. Of course there was sensual touch, but also the more casual forms of affection. A hug, a hand on the back, arm around the shoulder, or head in a lap. There were more playful interactions like snapping towels during the dishes, slaps on the backside on the way out the door, raspberries, zorbits, and even wet willies.  If you share a domicile with another human being think about how many ways you touch each other. It’s much more than you might believe.

Then one day it was gone. At first I didn’t notice as there were so many other things to attend to that took priority. As time went on I noticed its absence. Friends encouraged me to date, to meet people.

So I did. Anyone dating knows how frustrating that endeavor can be! That’s a novel in and of its self. Let’s just say it wasn’t fulfilling. And I wasn’t in a place to open up let alone commit to anything.  So what’s a highly analytical girl to do? Apply logic.

I wanted touch, they wanted sex. Sex involves touch. Lots and lots of touch. Let’s be honest, I wanted sex too. Problem solved!

Well, temporarily. As anyone who has engaged in the practice of casual sex can tell you, it gets old. It’s empty and eventually you realize you want more from a partner. And that is where I am. I miss the affectionate comfort that comes from rapport. Touch is soothing. It conveys a level of closeness, tenderness, and warmth. The touch of passion and desire don’t always satisfy in the long term. I can find an outlet but it won’t achieve a level of playfulness, equanimity, or inclusion that develops with the openness and conviction of trust.

VWW- Ersatz

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Ersatz:

being unusually artificial and inferior substitution or imitation

Originally a noun in German, this word has been incorporated into the English language as an adjective. It was used in WWI and WWII  to describe the inferior products made available due to rationing.

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Interesting substitution suggestion

In the modern world we have an abundance of ersatz products. Not due to the war, but rather as a result of corporate greed to make commodities in great volume but at low cost and quality. I’ve complied a short list:

  1. Imitation cheese slices
  2. “Juice” containing only 5% fruit juice what is the rest of it made from?
  3. Juice named after a fruit but composed of mainly apple juice (pomegranate and blueberry are where I encounter this most often)
  4. Fish Sticks- these are of some type of Osteichthyes of unknown providence
  5. Fat Free, Low Fat, Reduced Fat anything- I generally interpret that to mean chemical shit storm pumped up with sugar
  6. Frozen Dairy Treat- what the hell does that mean?
  7. Food Advertised with “More Meat Flavor”- not more meat, just better additives
  8. Flashlights apps on the phone- that tiny beam of light doesn’t do shit in the basement
  9. Halloween/Harvest/Fall parties for kids- it’s not the same as Trick or Treating. It’s lame and it sucks to watch kids not run wild on a sugar high
  10. MTV- music television? Not anymore
  11. Affordable Care Act- this is not the same a socialized medicine. I’ve traveled. I know.
  12. Responsibility- a poor substitution for a well lived life
  13. Dancing with the Stars- why can’t we just dance with our own partners? Or alone in our underwear?
  14. Reality TV- So much worse than real reality…wait, what?
  15. Non-Dairy Creamers- this has to be the worse thing humanity has invented aside from atomic weapons. It’s flammable and people ingest it. Ewww!

VWW- Exculpatory

Exculpatory:

tending or serving to clear from alleged fault or guilt

In general use this is a positive thing. Most people would directly assign this word to a situation where one was wrongly accused and their good name cleared. That was my first impression. Giving it a bit more thought I realized there is a darker side to the usage of exculpatory.

It brought to mind all the individuals who consistently causes disruption and then spins the events so they are shown in the best light. Then they twist the facts so that an innocent party looks to be at fault. Finding and applying exculpatory evidence seems to be their life’s mission. Unfortunately it is one we are all too familiar with, usually in the work place.

The worst part is that this is often done by a person in a position of power. A supervisor, manager, and hell, I’ve even seen HR do this (J nick named her Cuntalicious). It’s disheartening that there is so little integrity, so many people too frightened to step up to the plate of responsibility and admit to an error. I guess that’s why I always get odd looks when I tell my boss I made a mistake, I caught it, and here is what I am doing to rectify that error. I thought that is what adults do.

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Oh, despair.com , how I love you and your products

Silly Underboob! No, no, no! Adults waste as much time as possible at work. The higher your position, the more time you waste. The more time you waste, the more fearful you become of losing your position and the illusion of power that comes with it. The more fear you permit in your life, the more defensive you become. The more defensive you become, the more time spent trying to justify your position. The more you need to justify your position, the more you need a scapegoat.

Just writing that was exhausting! Wouldn’t it be easier to just do your job in the first place?

VWW- Contumely

Contumely:

harsh language or treatment arising from haughtiness and contempt. Also; and instance of such language or treatment

Plainly put into the vernacular, this is what mean girls do. It’s the method females traditionally employ to bully one another.

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*stolen from Pinterest, would love to give credit where due