Harvey Weinstein

You are probably done with hearing about all this crap. So am I but I have to point out that now, after all the women have come forward, the men are backing them up. And we as a culture are applauding these men for being brave.

They are not brave. The women who suffered in silence for decades were brave. The ones who sacrificed careers for physical safety were brave. The ones that spoke out were brave. Waiting until it’s a media hurricane then stepping up to condemn the behavior is not brave.

All of a sudden my news feed is filled with male celebrities coming out and saying how they suspected or even knew, but did nothing. They apologize and we applaud. They are forgiven. What could they do to stop these horrible events?

Really? They get off the hook that easily? They witnessed or had knowledge of systematic rape and/or harassment and they turned a blind eye for decades. Now all they have to do is stand in front of a camera, appear humbled, and recite rhetoric about rape culture being bad for everyone.

No thanks, boys. We don’t need your lip service. We don’t need you to validate our experiences. You say you find the behavior abhorrent but what did you do? Did you help? In anyway, did you help? Did you believe them when they told you? Were you supportive or dismissive? Or did you just turn around and ride the wave of success that cost so many so much?

Boys, we don’t want your words. We don’t want to validate your long awaited moment of clarity with applause. I won’t share your video because you finally (FINALLY) evolved to realize that women are people. Also, I won’t absolve you from the role you played in perpetuating the subjugation of half the population.

You knew. You saw. Your silence and inaction makes you complicit in the crime. You are not an ally. You and your silence are the reason the problem persists.

Blood Flow

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It occurred to me that most miscommunication is a direct result of only seeing things from your own perspective. As such, this might contribute a great deal to the so-called battle of the sexes between men and women. So here is the thought process that set this off.

I was pondering a date I had where I had mentioned to the man how I don’t like grocery stores. I explained why; that they have too many choices, most of them are not food, I don’t like being advertised to, my dislike of branding, etc. He heard none of that. What he heard was “I have never been to a grocery store.” Not sure where he got that or if he thought I had been raised in a cave as opposed to the American Megalopolis that is the Northeast, but he was convinced I just hadn’t seen a grocery store.

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So that is where he chooses to take me. Now when we walked in and he grabbed a cart I should have bolted. There is something wrong with us women at a social level that we swallow our instincts for self-preservation in order to not offend, but that is a rant for another time. Anyway, he pushes the cart through the doors into the produce section. Here he begins his tour of the fruits and vegetable and explains organics to me. (He works in IT, I’ve spent the past 18 years working in food manufacturing specializing in regulatory. I know organics). It goes on like this through each aisle. He was explaining it to me and showing me boxes and cans like I just arrived from behind the Iron Curtain.

He was so full of himself and his ability to enlighten me to the horror that is American consumerism that he failed to notice my utter disgust, mainly at him but also at his dietary choices.  He saw no reason not to multi task and was doing his shopping on our date. Oh yeah, he is a winner. After we check out and I help him load his cleverly disguised corn-based food like products into his car he says “I’d really like to take you to dinner sometime.” Really? Then maybe you should have done that instead of ignoring my comments (truly, it’s like I wasn’t even speaking) and acting like a white knight that saved me from my ignorant peasant life of Supermarket free-living. I bolted and was grateful I didn’t mention I am not in the habit of watching television. I shudder at what that would have been like!

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The Mansplaining statue at the University of Incarnate Word in San Antonio, TX (of course!)

Back to perspective. This is what I have come up with. It’s a flawed theory that assumes many erroneous, though commonly held misconceptions. However, these are integral to my theory, so go along with it.

It is widely accepted that the male of the species only have enough blood to operate either the brain or the genitals (thank you, Robin Williams). Being a marvelous feat of evolutionary hydro engineering I can kind of see how this correlation without causation myth has come to be ingrained in our culture. And since our cultural beliefs do in fact influence our behavior it’s not that much of a leap to use this as my hypothesis. So, yes, I think this is crap but that isn’t important. What matters is that a vast majority of people do think this is valid. They accept it as fact and weave it into how they perceive the world around them.

What I began to wonder is that if men believe that they only have enough blood flow to successfully operate either the brain or the penis do they then project that belief on to women? Do they think that women only have enough blood to operate either the brain or the tits? And if so, given that the tits are always demonstrating the same tensile strength, does that justify the long-held belief that females are of inferior intelligence? Is that why men are always trying to explain thing to us?